8 Tips for Navigating Grad School with a Chronic Illness

When I was writing a previous post about staying focused on your academic work during the summer, it occurred to me that while I’ve mentioned having a chronic illness while being in grad school and did a post on traveling with fibromyalgia, I’ve never done a specific post on navigating your grad school experience while dealing with a chronic illness.

Being a grad student is a daunting experience, even if you’re in the best of health. And even for healthy people, the stress of grad school can lead to health problems if you don’t take care of yourself. I know so many people in my old department who were diagnosed with various health problems, from mental health issues like anxiety and depression to chronic illnesses or other serious conditions during their time in grad school. I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

But what do you do when you are diagnosed during grad school, or enter grad school already having your chronic illness? It’s not a topic covered in new student orientation. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia during my third year of my PhD, but looking back I knew the symptoms had been present almost from the first year in 2013. I also have struggled with chronic anxiety and depression, both of which have had moments when they completely debilitate me. Between my physical health and my mental health, it wasn't always a walk in the park working my way through my PhD.

This blog post will cover my best advice for navigating grad school with a chronic illness, but it’s important to clarify that I am coming from the perspective of someone with fibromyalgia who is still mostly able bodied (though tired and sore a lot of the time). I know there are conditions and levels of severity much worse than what I deal with, but hopefully some of this advice can still help anyone in a similar situation.

1. Acknowledge and accept your reality 

What you resist, persists. In the beginning, after my diagnosis, the more I tried to act like I didn’t have anything wrong with me, the worse I felt. I had to learn that I had a new reality. Like it or not, my life was going to be different. Not better or worse, but definitely different. I could try to hide from that fact. I could try to deny it. But that only aggravated the situation. I knew I was going to have to change my sleep pattern, change the way I approached physical exercise, change some of my eating habits, etc. Resisting those changes and not accepting this new reality, was only going to make the worst symptoms of my fibro persist and take over my life. Acknowledge that your life is going to be different, accept the changes you need to make, and start moving forward again.

2. Admit your weaknesses/limitations

Part of accepting your new reality is admitting your weaknesses and limitations. I have to have at least 9 hours of sleep to be functional. I can manage on 8, I can get by on 7, I can survive on 6 for a day, but then it will knock me out the next couple days while I regain that lost sleep. 9 hours is the optimal amount. Also, no matter how many hours I sleep, I can’t stay up as late as I used to. If I’m out at a party until 1am (a rare occurrence lol), sleeping in until 10am doesn’t really help. My body is still thrown off. So, I know to go to sleep no later than 11pm and get as close to 9 hours as possible. I’m also limited in physical activity. A certain amount of movement and exercise helps me, but too much makes me feel worse. It’s a delicate balance. I’ve learned how to read the signs my body is giving me and to manage my activity levels day by day. When I’m home it’s not too bad, I can go work out and then relax at the pool, and then work at home. A day on campus teaching is a little taxing but overall manageable. Back when I was doing coursework that was exhausting but my classes were every other day so I had a day to rest in between class days. These days, travel is the biggest challenge, but I’ve developed ways to handle that. I can’t run around London like I used to several years ago, walking an average of 8 miles a day around the city and shopping for hours on end. But the last trip was so much better now that I knew how to deal with my condition while traveling.

3. Admit your strengths

It might feel like you don’t have any strengths, but we all have something. From a very young age I learned a few key lessons that influenced my mindset as I grew up: life isn’t fair, you can’t expect it to be fair, and being resilient and adaptive will get you far. The joys of growing up in the military lol. So when I was diagnosed my first thought wasn’t “that’s not fair!” it was “well that sucks”. My next step was to go home and research fibromyalgia to see what my different treatment options were (beyond prescription meds since I knew my body is sensitive to those and I didn’t want to add side effects on to pre-existing symptoms). So, my research skills as a grad student were definitely a strength. If you’re a grad student, you probably have online access to your uni’s library, take advantage of that! See what you can find that might not have made it into the mainstream public yet. I’m lucky to be at a major research university, so I have access to a lot of great journals and books through my library. Another good resource for me was the Mayo Clinic’s website (I prefer that to WebMD).

But having the basic strengths like resilience and being adaptive, you probably have other strengths. For me, I had to admit that as much as it sucked to have this condition, it could be worse. My case isn’t as bad as it can be and while I still occasionally have days where I can’t get out of bed, most days I can. I can still more or less do a lot of the things I used to do. Ok, so I can’t go for a 5 mile hike. But I can still do a 1 mile hike if I go slowly. I can still go out and enjoy the desert scenery. I can’t party until 2am, but I didn’t do that much before. However, I can still do almost anything I usually do with my friends as long as we do it during normal hours so I’m not waking up super early or staying up super late. Be creative and honest about your condition and limitations, and you’ll likely find quite a few strengths mixed in as well.

4. Have a good friend circle/support network…and ask for help when you need it

No woman is an island, even though grad school might make you feel that way from time to time, err, well, ok, a lot of the time, especially once you finish coursework and/or if you end up teaching online. By my 3^rd year of my PhD I was in my department building/office maybe once a week, if even that. But I have always had a great circle of friends and a good support network that included colleagues, my advisor and other professors, my therapist, my doctor…you get the picture. Having a good group of people, each with their own specialty and way they can help me allowed me to have someone to turn to anytime, no matter what the issue. Whether it was discussing something with my doctor, asking a professor for help getting unstuck from an idea (because fibro fog sucks), a having various friends whose shoulders I could cry on or who would pour the gin cocktails or brew the peppermint tea, whatever the situation called for.

It's easy to let yourself get isolated and feel alone. Even without a chronic illness. It's just part of grad school. But if you have a chronic illness on top of being a grad student? Isolation feels inevitable. Don't give in to that feeling. Stay connected. Reach out. Ask for help. My friends have been amazing. They drive up to my neighborhood and hang out at my place if I'm not feeling up to driving down by campus and meeting them out somewhere. And don't even get me started on my online friends. Thanks to social media, there's really no excuse for being disconnected and isolated. Between my friends made through YouTube and Instagram, I literally have friends (some who are in grad school, many who aren't) all over the world. Day or night Arizona time, there's someone awake in another time zone. So if my pain is keeping me awake until 2am and I'm struggling not to give in to the tears and frustration, I get on Instagram or WhatsApp and start talking to my friends. Build your network and let it grow.

I'm smiling, and I'm in one of my
favorite places, but I'm in a heck
of a lot of pain. You'd never know
looking at me.

5. Don’t compare

I won't dwell on this one, because it's pretty simple. Don't compare yourself or your situation to others. You only have one life to live (hehe, anyone else used to be obsessed with that soap opera?), so live it as fully as you can. Going back to number 1 above, once you've accepted your reality and the cards you've been dealt, don't waste time comparing your life to others. First, you don't know what their life is actually like. If someone looked at my pictures from London they would never know that every morning there I woke up feeling like a 90 year old woman with a sore and stiff body. Or that if I walked too fast around the city my back would sieze up and I would double over in pain. Looks can be deceiving. Second, that's their life, you have yours. Focus on the life you have without getting bitter and resentful about a life you think you want more. This is especially important in grad school, believe me when I say, your classmates aren't smarter or better than you are. You all have your awesome qualities and that's why you were accepted. Don't let your worries about your chronic illness get magnified by imposter syndrome. You are just as capable and just as worthy and deserving of your spot, regardless of any physical limitations you might have. And on that note…

6. Be kind to yourself

I mentioned in one of my Fibro Chat videos that I have worked hard to not look at my condition as there being something "wrong" with my body or that my body has "betrayed" me. Seeing my body as the source of my illness, and therefore as the enemy is the worst thing I could do. Seriously, the worst. Don't go there. I view my illness as an invader in my body. My body and I are BOTH fighting the fibro, it's not me against my body. Having this perspective allows me to be kinder, more compassionate, and more patient with my body when I'm in a lot of pain or dealing with serious fatigue or difficulty concentrating. By bieng kind to myself I've learned how to listen to my body and do what I need to do to take care of it. If that meant writing in bed instead of at my desk, giving myself an extra hour of sleep, stopping work a little early, or whatever other accommodations I could make, then fine, that's what I would do. Without judgement or feeling guilty. 

7. Pace yourself

Even under the best of circumstances, grad school is a marathon, not a sprint. You have to pace yourself. This is even more important with a chronic illness. Your pace will be different than your classmates and colleagues. That's ok. I repeat…THAT'S OK. Everyone is on their own journey, and everyone has to go at their own pace. Know what your degree program's outline or requirements are and when different steps are due. Know when you plan to graduate. For me, my program was designed for 5 years, and our TA funding was only for those 5 years and was not able to be renewed. So I needed to be out in 5. Once you know when you want to complete, work backwards and give yourself some time buffers, don't stack your deadlines too close together. For example, even if your department allows you to schedule your colloquy for only a week after your comp exam, don't do that. Give yourself time to focus on one thing at a time when it comes to the big stuff like your exam or the dissertation. And even in the beginning when you're still doing coursework (if you're in a US program, I know it's different in other countries), don't overload your schedule and take too many courses, especially if your place in the program comes with teaching duties. Be clear about your goals for the semester, which could include a combination of courswork, teaching, writing, publication opportunities, conference presentations and more. Don't try to do everything in one semester. Focus on the big priorities and negotiate the rest.

8. Don’t be defeatist 

Don’t give up or give in. It’s hard. Life is hard. As difficult as my childhood growing up in the Army was, it taught me very early on that life isn’t fair. It just isn’t. You make it harder on yourself by expecting it to be otherwise. This has helped me a lot since being diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Chronic illnesses, whether they're physical or mental, are so difficult to deal with. At best they're annoying, at worst they're soul crushing. I've been there. I've had the days where nothing goes right, where everything hurts and my mind can't focus and I'm way behind on my word count goal for the day and I haven't touched the stack of papers to grade. It's easy to feel defeated on those days. And sometimes, you have to admit defeat…for that day. You stop your work, get some dinner, and put yourself to bed. The next day you start fresh. It won't be easy, it never is, but you can do it. Though not everyone shares their stories publicly, there are far more grad students with chronic illnesses than most people realize. If we can do it, so can you. So never give in, never surrender, keep going towards your goal.

So that's it for now. If you have any questions please leave them below or reach out to me on Twitter or Instagram. If you found this post helpful, I'd love it if you would share it on your social media platforms. And if you have any tips for navigating grad school with fibromyalgia I'd love to hear them! Please add them below. Sharing is caring. ;) 

Until next time,

Andrea